Most people say “yes” much more readily than “no”.
A friend is moving house this weekend and would like some help, and you agree. But, what you really wanted was a couple of quiet days relaxing at home. Or a roommate spends the entire weekends playing video games and wants to borrow your homework for “reference”. But, you’ve just finished it after taking a whole day to work hard.
Many people say “yes” to these kinds of requests. They tend not to consider their own interests and feelings, and are often angry with themselves afterwards.
Saying “no” requires courage and considerable practice, in fact, according to psychologists.
“Everyone wants to be liked,” says Gabriele Steinki, a German psychologist. “Saying ‘no’ risks losing the affection of the person asking the favor or even a job.”
The result is that many people say “yes” just for keeping the peace. But experts say this is regrettable. Anyone should have the right to say “no”.
In fact, rejecting a request can even help to strengthen a relationship because it expresses a true feeling.
But, for people used to agreeing to every request, changing can be a long and uncomfortable learning process.
Most people believe that “If I say ‘no’, I’ll lose the affection of the person. But the affection is important to me.” This way of thinking can be replaced by this: “If he only likes me because I always do what suits him , then the price of his affection is too high in the long term.”
Steinki says the key is talking to the other person to find a mutual (相互的) solution. “One needs to present the situation from one’s own point of view, and to suggest how the situation can be dealt with to the advantage of both parties. The other person must have the feeling that his interests are being considered.”
When the refusal is not accepted, Steinki advises giving the reasons calmly again until the person gets the message.
1.Most people say “yes” much more readily than “no” because ________.
A. they don’t care about their own interests and feelings
B. they don’t know they will regret afterwards
C. they have already been used to saying “yes”
D. they care more about others’ affection
2. In the opinion of experts, _________ .
A. people need a lot of practice to say “no”
B. people should say “yes” to keep the peace
C. saying “no” means losing a job
D. people have the right to be liked
3. According to the writer, what should you do if you want to refuse the other person’s request?